Contentment

 

Contentment. "A state of happiness and satisfaction" 

This is what I need. 

I desperately desire contentment. 

Contentment in my relationship with Jesus, at home, in my marriage, as a mom, at work. Everywhere. I need to take small issue with the Webster's definition as well; contentment is not happiness. Happiness is external; happiness is evident when everything is going right, happiness can be felt when the sun is shining, the flowers are blooming, the birds are singing. Happiness is the perfect wedding day, walking down the aisle in a beautiful dress, the picture-perfect cake, the smiling guests, the handsome groom. But what about when the sun stops shining, when rain pours down and turns dry ground into floodwaters and swirling mud? What happens when the wedding day is long gone and the handsome groom is getting under your skin? That's when happiness ends. 

Happiness depends on how things are going and how I feel right now. Contentment, on the other hand, happens when I rest in God and trust Him with the outcome of all things. Contentment can occur when everything is going wrong. Contentment is what I really need. Every moment of every day. 

I don't feel as if I truly have contentment; too often I'm looking behind to what's gone or looking ahead to what's next, but not focused on the blessings I have right now. This is a major issue. I need contentment in my relationship with Jesus; I want to be confident that He is working all things together for my good. Because He says He is and that is enough.

I need contentment at home. I need to stop looking at what I want my home and home life to look like, and start being thankful for what it is. I don't need a magazine-worthy house; it's not realistic or attainable. I have two toddlers and a husband. Contentment is thanking God for the house and furnishings He has given me and putting a stop to this salivating over newer things...or things of the past. 

I need contentment in my marriage. I need to accept my husband instead of wishing he was something different. Instead of wishing his approach were different, I need to give that frustration to God and allow Him to work in this relationship. Instead of looking at his faults, I have to look at his strengths. I must move past this roadblock. 

As a mom, I need to be content in the season I am in. I haven't done a great job with this. This afternoon, for example, I spent some time looking at past pics and I found myself missing the days with this small, bald, big-eyed boy.

 

 

 

 I can't help but watch those videos or see those pictures and not tear up for what has already gone by. The day Isaac took his first steps was one of the greatest days of my life. It was amazing that so much emotion could be experienced by a little boy walking on his own for the first time. 

 

 

 And then B joined our family. 

 

 

 

 

 

Such a sweet & snuggly baby! B is still sweet and snuggly; that hasn't changed. 

I need to remember a saying I read years ago when looking at these pics of my kids and feeling nostalgic for when they were babies.

"Don't cry because it's over, be happy because it happened."

There are women all over this world who dream of having children but can't. In fact, I know quite a few of them. They wish for children; for the memories I have and the toddlers I have now and wish they had what I have. So instead of moping and being depressed because those moments are over, I need to praise God and thank Him for allowing me to have them at all. Some people have nothing to look back on, and other only have their memories. Instead of wishing I had more: a time machine to go back to when Ize and B were babies or even another baby, my job is to thank God for the children He has given me to guide and raise. 

I don't feel contentment at work. Right now I am wondering if God has something else for me. I weigh this feeling with the absolute fact that no other job outside the home could afford me long vacations and summers off with Isaac and Brooke. I need contentment in all aspects of my life. I have confidence that God will show me what He wants me to do in all things.